Showing posts with label Christian Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How do you like me now?


Most of you have probably seen the fast food chain commercial with the talking lemon. The lemon tells us how he has always gotten the bad rap. defective, no good, he goes on to tell us.

This is a commercial for lemon with strawberry added for a new drink for summer. Sounds quite good. We have often been told that when life gives you lemons, to make lemon-aid. At the end of the commercial when an attractive lady is drinking this new beverage, the lemon yells,"How do you like me now?"


We are a lot like that lemon aren't we? Born defective, no good, without Christ in our life. Then we meet the Savior. Jesus makes old things new. We should be yelling to the world this good news that He can change us from bitter lemons....and our loved ones will probably like us better now too!...keith

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Duct tape or Nails?



A man dies and goes to heaven.


Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter says, "Here's how it works.

You need 100 points to make it into heaven

You tell me all the good things you've done,
and I give you a

certain number of points for each item,


depending on how good it w as.

When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says,

"I was

married to the same woman for 50 years


and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St.Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says.


"Well, I attended church all my life


"Terrific!" says St. Peter. "That's certainly worth a point."

"One point!?!!"


"I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter
for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.

"Two points!?!! "Exasperated, the man cries.


"At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven

is by the grace of God."

"Bingo, 100

points! Come on in!"



We often try to fix problems

with WD-40 and duct tape.
God did it with nails

*********************************************************************

"For it is by grace you have been saved,

through Faith - and this not from yourselves,

it is the gift of God - not by works,

so that no one can boast."

Ephesians 2:9 NIV

Monday, February 22, 2010

Southern Ten Commandments



This is funny!!! And much easier to remember!!!

Ten Commandments

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.....no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God

(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple. Y'all have a nice day!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Church Chuckles...



"Low self-esteem group will met Thursday at 7:00PM. Please use the back door."

"Dear God, I think about you sometimes even when I'm not praying."-Henry, Age 4

"Young adult weekend. All singles are invited to spend a weekend in the presence of the Lord and other singles."

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Laughter is the Best Medicine ... Really

By Samantha Landy
Faith and Fitness Magazine

CBN.com In our busy, over-committed world, laughter seems to have been lost along the way. We don’t find much of it in our everyday lives. We have to choose to follow after it. As we age, it is so easy to get overwhelmed with the varied challenges we face, and we neglect the very thing that will help us deal with our issues and challenges.

Laughter is one thing we can choose to help us in our circumstances. I’ve been studying a lot about laughter and the potential power it has in our lives. Of course, my favorite is affirming, loving words from someone who thinks I’m terrific and makes me laugh. I had one such phone call today, and after I hung up, I had a little smile in my heart and on my face all day long. Maybe you should make such a phone call to a friend of yours?

If you choose to smile, even when you don’t feel like it, others will almost always respond automatically with a smile in return. A friend of mine said, “Smiling is rather like a kiss—in order to get any good out of it, you have to give it to someone else.” However, that isn’t necessarily so. We can choose to smile or even laugh when we are alone and lighten our own life.

Physically, a smile requires the use of approximately 36 muscles, but a frown uses 97 muscles. Also, a smile releases the muscles on your scalp, which in turn lets the blood flow more easily, which brings more oxygen to the brain, which results in a buoyancy in your personality. At the point of choosing to smile and laugh, you may not feel happier, but as you continue to smile, releasing the oxygen into the brain, you actually become happier!

There is another benefit to smiling and especially laughing. Medically, doctors know that good blood flow to the brain is critical for efficient and comprehensive brain functioning. So when we laugh more, it stands to reason we should have a better functioning brain. Maybe that’s the reason I keep forgetting where I put my glasses; I’m not laughing enough!

If we are going through a stress-filled day, and make the decision to have even one moment in the day for ourselves, to experience laughter and joy, it will change our lives. We must train ourselves to keep looking at the possibilities in any situation rather than the problems. As we take time to dwell on the possibilities, we will amaze ourselves as our subconscious works and solutions appear, enabling us to handle the challenge more effectively.

Where can we find joy and laughter when our lives are stressed out and everything seems to be crashing around us? As I have had to learn for myself, there are resources; we just have to choose to tap into them. One easy place to find laughter is to go to funny movies or watch them on TV. Sometimes it is only in the laughter provided by external sources that we can find relief.

Some time ago I was traveling and had put in a long 8-hour day on the road. In addition to the exhaustion of driving, I also had insurmountable difficulties in my life at the time, and so most of those eight hours were spent “mullygrubbing” around in the mess of my life.

As I was looking for a hotel that evening, I noticed a comedy was playing at the local theatre. Thankfully, it was also a PG13. It’s been said that laughter is like scrubbing out our insides, and so I went to the movie and chose to laugh. Afterward, the tragic circumstances of my life had not changed, but inside my body, I had changed. I was more relaxed and able to face my life.

I have studied enough about affirming words and laughter to know that good, out-loud laughter actually releases endorphins into the brain. When endorphins are released into the body, and oxygen is released into the brain eventually, we will feel up-lifted and relaxed.

But what happens when we don’t have someone to encourage us and life gets tough? I imagine most people are like I am; we have all had formidable issues in life, perhaps some more than others. But even during the difficult times, we can choose our attitude about life. We may not be able to change the circumstances, but we can choose how we respond to them.

Viktor Frankl, concentration camp survivor wrote a book, Man’s Search for Meaning. He said it was in the concentration camp experiences that he learned, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Our attitude is the most important characteristic of the quality of our life, as we deal with various aspects of aging. There will often be circumstances we can’t change or control, but our attitude determines how we define our existence.

One bedrock source that will help us keep a good attitude in times of tragedy is to remember to pray about our lives, about our circumstances. Does it feel like I’ve changed the subject? Not really. The wisdom of King Solomon supports my approach to a good attitude and laughter as well: “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.”

As we continue processing our lives in these years over fifty, our faith in God, our dependence on Him, and our attitude will shape our relationships and circumstances. When we stay in faith and walk in excellence, we will see God’s plan and destiny for our lives unfold. While our past history may teach us about our mistakes, it is in choosing to live in the moment, choosing to look to the future God has for us, that will enable us to live in Hope, Joy, and Love. As we seek God’s wisdom, walking through the events of our lives, we will be able to move from success to lives of significance.

I believe that keeping our faith strong in the Lord, combining that with a love for adventure, an appetite for learning, a curious mind, and a sense of humor will help us in these challenging years from fifty and beyond.

Underline this verse in your Bible to remind you of one of God’s promises: “Since my youth, O God, you have taught me and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare Your power to the next generation, Your might to all who are to come.”


Samantha LandySamantha Landy serves on several national Christian boards and is best known as an international conference and retreat speaker as well as author of over eight books. She also hosts the program "60 Seconds for Savvy Singles" heard on Christian radio stations nationwide. To find out more, visit her website at www.samanthalandy.com.

From Faith & Fitness Magazine April/May 2008. Reprinted with permission. Copyright © 2008 Faith & Fitness Magazine and Lifestyle Media Group.

Brad Bloom

Faith & Fitness Magazine is a lifestyle resource to build physical and spiritual strength. It helps readers make connections between the Christian faith and the fitness lifestyle. To contact the publisher of Faith & Fitness Magazine, Brad Bloom, for reprint permission, e-mail brad@faithandfitness.net.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Good times...Fall Church Party 2009




A good time was had by all at the Walker (Fred and Wilma) residence with plenty of good food. We even had a special visit from the President and his Secretary of State. You can find more pictures by going to our Facebook Fan Page Album section in the left hand column of this blog. Enjoy!